you

right now, i am researching and thinking of ideas for my individual oral presentation on Monday. but i am suddenly reminded of what you said. and i remember the shock and the pain you inflicted on me, no matter how you intended it, no matter how meaningless and how insignificant it was to you.

i wanted to vent it all on twitter, but as more and more memories of the incidents flooded the corner of my brain that i thought i had hidden so well, even from myself, came back to me, i felt that i have the need to vent it all, so here it is.

i'm going to copy down the tweets, so bear with it even though you might have seen it on my twitter page and facebook wall.

i pretended not to hear because i wanted to escape. but now, i will face it, and you shall swallow back your words. also, i did not want to be mean to you. i am still hurting now though, and tears come to my eyes when i think of what you had said.

it isn't because i had forgiven you. i wanted to forget it. because we are friends.

i was angry then, but it was not only at your insensitivity. i was angry at myself; i knew that you were right. i still remember the words and time when you said what you said. but i will not say it here. because i don't want you to apologize. i don't want your apology to prove that it is useless; i will never forget what you said and i will never forgive you.

there were certain boundaries that you should never had crossed. i know that you did not think that you would have hurt me. and i didn't stop you from hurting me. because i am a coward. i didn't want to say that that was my weakness. i didn't want you to know that i was and still am afraid.

but now, i will face it. no matter how much suffering i would go through because of it. and i would never tell you who you are. because, i know, that would be the time that i would hate you forever.